By Kevin Fisher
As we bask in the afterglow of our 700 day, $2.5 Billion dollar presidential campaign we find the blogosphere obsessed with a single issue. Foreign policy changes? Economic crisis? Wall Street Bailout? No, the burning issue of the day is of course “What kind of dog should the next president get? “After putting an African-American in the White House it seems that our next job is to put a Canine American in the family’s quarters.
If you don’t know the story, President-elect Obama promised his daughters that after the election they would get a dog. (Already he’s demonstrating leadership and initiative; we all know that there’s nothing better than a bribe dog to keep the kids happy.)
The first family-elect is being inundated with opinions about the best breed of dog for them but being in the industry myself I thought I’d add my two cents. And being a contrarian I’ll discuss not the best dogs for the first family but the worst.
Not a good idea to get a really smart dog. We’ve already seen with the Bush Baked Bean fiasco (the brand not the president) how one smart dog can subvert an empire. And I think most of us already know that Barney wins most of the tugs of war with the current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
Foreign Breeds .
Also an iffy call. Surely we’d all feel more comfortable with a good Canine American in the White House. Think about it, Chinese Crested, Swiss Mountain Dogs, Australian cattle dogs all so closely affiliated with foreign powers! To have such foreign agents so close to the seat of power (probably even sniffing the seat of power!) may not be the best idea. How could we be sure of their loyalties, that they wouldn’t turn around and sell state secrets to their home countries at the drop of a hat? I know this sounds farfetched but mark my words- if you see the president walking through the Rose Garden with a West Highland Terrier don’t be surprised to discover that Scotland has the bomb and is not afraid to use it.
On the other hand there are some foreign breeds that would help to strengthen ties with friends and allies. An Afghan Hound, Italian Greyhound or German Shephard would work wonders in restoring our image overseas and cost billions less than foreign aid. There is, as far as I can see, only one glaring exception to this rule; “Please Mr. President, I beg of you, Step away from the French Poodle”
Oh No He Didn’t.
Common sense says there are some breeds that would be a definite no no. Imagine the scene at the first White house press conference when the reporter stands up and asks in a strong clear voice “Mr President, is it true that you have a Giant Schnauzer” (And it would be even more embarrassing if they had chosen the Miniature Schnauzer)
Whichever Dog the Obama’s Choose
I’m sure they’ll be wise enough to adopt a rescue dog and take care of it with only the best products. Like other celebrities and world leaders they’ll probably choose happytails Canine Spa Line to make sure that the presidential dog is never scratching or licking in inappropriate places and that he (or she) always looks, feels and smells his/her best.
I’m no lawyer, but I think the Constitution mandates that after the Vice President and Speaker of the House, the president’s dog is next in line for the job. So pick carefully Mr. President your dog will be only two heartbeats and a butt sniff away from the presidency.